Zach Zajac
6 posts
During his state of the union address on Tuesday, President Joe Biden condemned Russian President Vladimir Putin for having an identical foreign policy. “The Russian Federation is a rogue state,” the commander and chief told Congress. “And rogue states should not be allowed to steal our act!” He then declared, […]
Earlier this week, heaven gained an angel, and America lost a hero. We, The Accountants of Homeland Security News Action Team/Backyard Moonshine Distillers, were shocked to hear that Colin Powell had died from complications from COVID-19. Mr. Powell was a true inspiration to us, and that’s why we are celebrating […]
Washington D.C.- A new report detailing the catastrophic effects of climate change released on Tuesday has caused shock and outrage in the nation’s capital by being written in Comic Sans. The report, which claims the earth will be rendered uninhabitable by 2040, inspired thousands across the country to take to […]
Encino, California- On Sunday, a three million-year-old hominid shocked researchers with a four-hour rant against Cancel Culture. Scientists at The Academy of Enriched Sciences report that Ogg, a caveman recently revived from a block of ice, subjected them to a relentless tirade, ruining their nerdy weekend BBQ. “It was horrible,” […]
Karl Marx walks into the main office of Taft & Hartley. He’s surprisingly short, but the striking appearance of his bushy gray beard makes up for that. He looks confused. A lanky man crosses to him, and puts his arm around his shoulder. “Karl,” says Mr. Taft, leading him towards […]